Oh hey,look who finally decided to show up. Now lets make one thing clear, you're "DEAD" not the laughing at a meme all your idiot friends swear to you is sooo fucking funny kind of dead, not the "Oh shit moms gonna whoop my ass because I didn't take the chicken out the freezer" kind of dead, oh no, you're dead for real this time, You got a "game over" in the RPG called life. I know kid, take it all in, take this time to refect, contemplate, write a journal about how hard you fucked up, sorry for your loss, and I do mean YOUR loss. Of life. Alright, now if you're done getting all weepy, I gotta send you to an [[afterlife]] now. Let me guess, you're one of those cynical assholes who thinks everything can be explained by science and there is no god right? Well guess what you close-minded, science simping, motherfucker? You can go ahead and piss your ghost pants now,//opens three portals// [[Heaven]], [[Purgatory]], [[Hell]]. Make your choice Einstien, I bet all the books you read by stephen hawking didn't prepare you for this shit did they? GOD HAS DENIED YOUR FRIEND REQUEST. YOU HAVE BEEN BLOCKED FROM THIS ACCOUNT. GO TO [[HEAVEN'S REJECT'S]] Huh, so you think purgatory is the place you're supposed to be? it's not too much to look at really, it's like what you mortals call rush hour but instead of a shit ton of cars it's a shit ton of souls. Just floating around endlessly... going nowhere in particular... Hey, are you sure you wanna be here? I mean this is not all a bad choice, in fact I know [[a spot]] down here where things get pretty lively even for dead people like you, but then again it is boring as FUCK down here, it's not the greatest place to be but it's not the worst place either. Thats kinda the mood around here, it's just a "Meh" place to be. It's an enternity of "just ok" kind of days, So again I'm leaving this one up to you, allthough I really should stop doing that, Im the one with the badass scythe and can set can set his skull on fire at will, you're just a see-through sack of shit that reeks of insecurity and self loathing and shit. GODDAMIT!!!! FUCK! SHIT! Jesus Christ kid, when I politely told you to go to hell I didn't mean take me with you! I mean seriously! The fuck did I do?! Look, now I have fire and brimstone all over my nice black cloak! If there's one thing you humans know how to do well it's fuck everything up! nature, drugs, cartoons, education, politics, love, sex, That last one is just literaly FUCKING!!! HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO-?! GAAAAH! I'm starting to think you actual deserve to burn down here with all the liars, cheaters, theives, killers, and the guy who invented math! Especially him! Fuck that guy!! I only have one job, read souls, and send them to an [[afterlife]], and I'm a chill guy, I even gave you a choice, I'm not supposed to do that but I guess this is what I get for giving a shit about the human race! Look there are [[Three doors]] up ahead, looks like we gotta do a shitty second rate Rick and Morty adventure, I hope you're proud of yourself!So the Big-G said no huh? I could've told you that, I mean, you are the mortal scum that litters the earth after all, but all you mortals think that you're entitled to a happy ending don't you? I'm sure all your loved ones told you that you were so special, that you were destined for great things and all that, Hell, they're probably telling everyone that too at your funeral, now Im not gonna tell you you're not but hey, believe me when I say everyone get's the same pep-talk kid, so ask yourself: if everyone is unique in their own little way, then is anyone truly unique? I know, pretty deep shit right? Write a Disscusion Board about it, Oh who am I kidding, you can't write or discuss shit cause you're dead! HAHA! AHHH... So anyway you got two choices [[Hell]], or [[Purgatory]], Red pill, Blue pill, what's it gonna be? Personally I think you deserve that first one, but you mortals are always babbling on about "My body, My choice." Well technically you don't have a body anymore, but you still gotta choice cause the ol' Reaper is nice like that, well i'm not nice, I just dont give a shit. So pick one. I'm sure you've heard of this wonderful shitshow you dragged us into called HELL, well allow me to bust some myths for you because clearly you dont know what the FUCK you're doing. Y'know the "endless torment" all you mortals think happens down here? Yeah, that only happens on Tuesdays and Saturdays, "Torture Tuesdays" and "Suffering Saturdays" it's called. I think it's pretty sad how they make a whole thing out of it, They probably have something like that for everyday of the week.Think of Hell like a big ass frat house except everything is always on fire and the hazing happens two times a week, and in every frathouse sexual assault almost always happens, only down here it's always on purpose. Yeah, congrats dumbass, you took us to the one place rape is legal. Shit like that usually goes down in the [[lust]] section of hell. I see that look of despair on your face, don't give me that bullshit, you got us into this mess and you're gonna get us the fuck out! you wanna go cry in a corner? Well there's plenty of corners to cry in in the sinking [[guilt]] pits. Anyway they have this whole room were they watch all the [[pain]] you went through in life and laugh at it. Its like the whole frat house came together to watch the meme compalation that is your existence. Aaaaand the three concepts I just mentioned just so happen to be the three doors in front of us...Wonderful. I dont know if I said this already but fuck you. Double-click this passage to edit it.I knew it, I KNEW you were going to pick this room! Well This is it, This is what you humans think is so great about living! I don't get why you mortals glorify sex so much, it's in your music, on your TV and laptop, (Don't deny it kid, did you really think I would read your entire life and not see your search history?) in your schools, and books, and now it's in hell too, who knew the mortal teenage hormones could survive from beyond the grave? but seriously though why give it so much power? I know it's how you people reproduce but that's it, no need for extra bullshit, Like you mortals have some sort of weird custom where you watch other people have sex but not you yourself, Holy shit, the desparation in some of you people! Well I think I've had enough of this room, it reeks of burt flesh and sex in here thats not a good combo of smells, JESUS CHRIST! Ok time to go kid, aint no way you dragged me down to the firey depths of hell just to see some demon strippers dacing on some lava poles and more NSFW shit! back to [[Three doors]], let's go, and they say I'm punishing you, you're punishing me every second we stay here. NO THAT DEMON WILL NOT SHOW YOU A "GOOD TIME"! SHE WILL LITTERLY EAT YOU! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Hey, I-uh....I'm sorry I've been so hard on you kid, I know Ive been chewing you out on this entire adventure which wasn't even supposed to happen... I'ts just that I've been doing this for more than a billion years and each time I examine a new soul, I see the worst parts of them. all their sins, their lies, the pain they caused others, all of it. I've seen the horrible things mortal kind have done, the worst of the worst. Murder, rape, domestic abuse, slavery, trafficking, child molestation, lynching, rasicim, sexisim, overdose, kid, you name the bad deed and I've seen it a billion times over, but I've also see the good things too, the thing you humans call love, joy, happiness, friendship, family, courage, bravery, honor, kindness, and innocence and yet, you take these gifts, these offerings of good will for granted! Y'know overtime as the souls of every man, woman, and child flow through the abyss and I read each of their souls I despise humanity a little more each a day. But then there is you, a soul who has done so much in life but never quite livied a full one. Maybe that's why you get a say in your ultimate eternal fate, so many choices were made for you, yet you never fully grew to make your own in the life you lived. Honestly, I don't fucking know, I'm just the guy who's seen too much pain and suffering and uses beer to forget about it all, yep, Im an alcoholic. Gotta deal with the suffering of countless souls somehow, right?Ok father, confession time is over, man, I really spill the tea when I'm drunk. Yes mythical creatures get drunk too we just don't die, get over it. Hey there's a [[sign]] over here, You can still read, right? Oh yeah, this room. This Room is no fun, just don't think of any painful memories or they'll be reinacted and you'll be forced to watch and experience it over and over...ah shit, and there you go thinking about your dog dying, you gotta be fucking kidding me, what did I JUST say? Y'know what? Not my problem, I don't have trauma like that, Have fun with PTSD, I'll be chillinig in that [[Lava pit]] over there. Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.